Clothes, Exercise, Weight and Attention

So according to an online clothing size converter, my current UK size 12 means that I’m a size 10 US. That said, I’m pretty sure that in certain clothing stores, I could fit into a US size 8. This is pretty damn cool, I think! In a couple of weeks I’ll be celebrating my one year “surgiversary,” which is big news! But with being this far out of the process, it strikes me how much more slowly I’m losing weight lately.

Of course, it might have something to do with the ridiculous amount of calories I’m eating these days. From the time I started my new job back in March, it has been constant temptation. Colleagues bring in cookies, brownies, candies and soda. Our receptionist makes daily afternoon trips to the grocery store, taking orders and baiting people into letting her buy them chocolate and caffeine! And several co-workers will pop into Southampton or Winchester at lunch and bring back Subway or other such takeaway fare. It is EVERYWHERE.

But of course, at the end of the day, it is all down to the personal choices I make. I’m the one who eats the cookies, orders up a full size Yorkie bar and submits to the will of Dr Pepper. I could (and should!) just say no. Perhaps if I was still overweight, I even WOULD say no. But the truth is that getting so close to my goal weight has made me lazy and stupid. Sure I still have 20 pounds to lose before I even approach happiness. But the reality of the situation is that I actually am quite a normal weight these days. And I’m not even the biggest girl in the room anymore.

Knowing this has given me not only feelings of power and excitement… but it’s also given me an excuse to let loose on the junk food. *sigh*

I do have a solution, though. Having seen things like the 5 day Pouch Test online, I realised that I really do need to get my eating under control. And since the one and only time in my life I was able to do that was after my surgery, I have decided to take away the option of food for a while and once again go liquid only before slowly reintroducing “good” food.

For the next two weeks, I’ll be partaking of Slim Fast shakes as my sole sustenance. I will be adding a bit of protein powder into them to give me a bit of extra oomph, but mostly it is going to be me and four shakes a day. After a few days, I will be introducing some of the Slim Fast bars, just so I have something to chew! And I’ve got some frozen fruit that I am going to make into fruit smoothies after a while. Just to keep things interesting!

Now I know that doing this may make me a bit of a saddo, and I may even be judged by my WLS peers. I don’t want to fall into gimmicky diets again, yo-yoing around like so many times before. That said, I need to do SOMETHING. I had this life-changing surgery nearly a year ago, and I feel right now as though I’m wasting it.

Luckily for me, I haven’t put on more weight. I’ve been fairly stable at 165 lbs for several weeks. But I want MORE for myself.

To that end, I’ve rejoined the gym. The first week I went whole-hog, and I was quite pleased. Then I decided to start using their tanning beds, and I wound up with a terrible sunburn which put me out of commission. Once that went away, I took my very first Body Balance class (yoga, pilates and tai chi, all mixed together for one amazing workout!) which DECIMATED me. I was sore for a week! And then I got lazy. Got stressed. Got bored.

But today, after deciding NOT to go to the gym, but instead to enjoy the rest of my weekend in peace, I suddenly realised that I WANTED to go. So I grabbed my sick husband (poor darling has a terrible cold) and forced him to drive me to the gym, where both of us did a nice workout.  And you know what?


I did the Power Plates! I used SEVERAL resistance machines. I went on the cross trainer. And the most amazing thing of all…. I RAN! I ran for 5 minutes on the treadmill. Sure it’s not much, but it’s the first time EVER that I’ve tried running at the gym. In the past, I would be far too scared. Granted, at one point I nearly fell over, which my husband thought was hilarious from his vantage point on an exercise bike in front of me. But still… I ran. Proper running. 8 miles per hour! And when I thought I couldn’t take any more, I slowed down. But once my heart rate returned to normal, I once again ran!

I can’t tell you how exciting it is when you realise for the first time what it is to truly PUSH yourself. It is an amazing feeling that I can’t describe.

After my workout, I was in the hallway awaiting my husband to finish. I was in my skimpy little workout outfit, covered in sweat and beet red, huffing and puffing. I was staring through a window into the swimming pool, when I noticed a reflection behind me. One of the fitness instructors was walking behind me, and he totally checked me out!!! *swoon*

This has been happening a lot lately. I’ve noticed men looking at me and smiling or even coming over to talk. I was told on Friday that two of my colleagues have crushes on me! I actually feel attractive. It’s something I never thought to feel again.

I’m growing in confidence, but unless I want to start growing wide again, I need to get my life under control. No more giving in to cravings. No more slacking on exercise. No more making excuses.

My life is my own, and I have to own my actions.

I’ll let you all know how it goes!

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