Month: May 2009

So according to an online clothing size converter, my current UK size 12 means that I’m a size 10 US. That said, I’m pretty sure that in certain clothing stores, I could fit into a US size 8. This is pretty damn cool, I think! In a couple of weeks I’ll be celebrating my one year “surgiversary,” which is big news! But with being this far out of the process, it strikes me how much more slowly I’m losing weight lately.

Of course, it might have something to do with the ridiculous amount of calories I’m eating these days. From the time I started my new job back in March, it has been constant temptation. Colleagues bring in cookies, brownies, candies and soda. Our receptionist makes daily afternoon trips to the grocery store, taking orders and baiting people into letting her buy them chocolate and caffeine! And several co-workers will pop into Southampton or Winchester at lunch and bring back Subway or other such takeaway fare. It is EVERYWHERE.

But of course, at the end of the day, it is all down to the personal choices I make. I’m the one who eats the cookies, orders up a full size Yorkie bar and submits to the will of Dr Pepper. I could (and should!) just say no. Perhaps if I was still overweight, I even WOULD say no. But the truth is that getting so close to my goal weight has made me lazy and stupid. Sure I still have 20 pounds to lose before I even approach happiness. But the reality of the situation is that I actually am quite a normal weight these days. And I’m not even the biggest girl in the room anymore.

Knowing this has given me not only feelings of power and excitement… but it’s also given me an excuse to let loose on the junk food. *sigh*

I do have a solution, though. Having seen things like the 5 day Pouch Test online, I realised that I really do need to get my eating under control. And since the one and only time in my life I was able to do that was after my surgery, I have decided to take away the option of food for a while and once again go liquid only before slowly reintroducing “good” food.

For the next two weeks, I’ll be partaking of Slim Fast shakes as my sole sustenance. I will be adding a bit of protein powder into them to give me a bit of extra oomph, but mostly it is going to be me and four shakes a day. After a few days, I will be introducing some of the Slim Fast bars, just so I have something to chew! And I’ve got some frozen fruit that I am going to make into fruit smoothies after a while. Just to keep things interesting!

Now I know that doing this may make me a bit of a saddo, and I may even be judged by my WLS peers. I don’t want to fall into gimmicky diets again, yo-yoing around like so many times before. That said, I need to do SOMETHING. I had this life-changing surgery nearly a year ago, and I feel right now as though I’m wasting it.

Luckily for me, I haven’t put on more weight. I’ve been fairly stable at 165 lbs for several weeks. But I want MORE for myself.

To that end, I’ve rejoined the gym. The first week I went whole-hog, and I was quite pleased. Then I decided to start using their tanning beds, and I wound up with a terrible sunburn which put me out of commission. Once that went away, I took my very first Body Balance class (yoga, pilates and tai chi, all mixed together for one amazing workout!) which DECIMATED me. I was sore for a week! And then I got lazy. Got stressed. Got bored.

But today, after deciding NOT to go to the gym, but instead to enjoy the rest of my weekend in peace, I suddenly realised that I WANTED to go. So I grabbed my sick husband (poor darling has a terrible cold) and forced him to drive me to the gym, where both of us did a nice workout.  And you know what?

I FEEL GREAT!

I did the Power Plates! I used SEVERAL resistance machines. I went on the cross trainer. And the most amazing thing of all…. I RAN! I ran for 5 minutes on the treadmill. Sure it’s not much, but it’s the first time EVER that I’ve tried running at the gym. In the past, I would be far too scared. Granted, at one point I nearly fell over, which my husband thought was hilarious from his vantage point on an exercise bike in front of me. But still… I ran. Proper running. 8 miles per hour! And when I thought I couldn’t take any more, I slowed down. But once my heart rate returned to normal, I once again ran!

I can’t tell you how exciting it is when you realise for the first time what it is to truly PUSH yourself. It is an amazing feeling that I can’t describe.

After my workout, I was in the hallway awaiting my husband to finish. I was in my skimpy little workout outfit, covered in sweat and beet red, huffing and puffing. I was staring through a window into the swimming pool, when I noticed a reflection behind me. One of the fitness instructors was walking behind me, and he totally checked me out!!! *swoon*

This has been happening a lot lately. I’ve noticed men looking at me and smiling or even coming over to talk. I was told on Friday that two of my colleagues have crushes on me! I actually feel attractive. It’s something I never thought to feel again.

I’m growing in confidence, but unless I want to start growing wide again, I need to get my life under control. No more giving in to cravings. No more slacking on exercise. No more making excuses.

My life is my own, and I have to own my actions.

I’ll let you all know how it goes!

I have so much in my head that I’ve not got out in this blog. I take pictures I want to post, I have started new exercise programs I want to talk about, and I even have failures I want to describe and confess to!

But for some odd reason, I’ve been blinkered when it comes to this site. Part of it is that my job is 45 minutes away, and so with being away hours a day, plus travel each way, plus going to the gym after work, plus cooking dinner and spending time with my husband… I just have no desire to be online, even if it would do me a world of good!

The other part is sillier but nevertheless a problem. Recently my sister-in-law’s boyfriend gave me a free Blackberry. This is GREAT news, as it is so convenient. I can check my mail, update facebook and twitter, and use it as a PDA. But while this has made my life much easier, it’s also meant that there’s very little need to go and get on my laptop. And without the laptop, I don’t update this site!

So I’ve realised I’m simply going to have to make more time for updating. There’s a lot going on that needs blogged about, and all of the work I’ve been putting in to my health and wellness is going to go unnoticed if I don’t.

So to make a long story short – I’ve fallen off the wagon BIG time where food is concerned. Cookies, chocolates, candy, Dr Pepper, milky teas and coffees full of sugar…. I don’t know where it all came from, but I’ve certainly been indulging myself, and I regret it pretty immediately.

But as previously mentioned, I’ve ALSO joined a gym. And while it’s taking time to build up a routine, I was very excited on Tuesday when I took my first class!

It is called Body Balance, and it’s a mixture of yoga, pilates and Tai Chi. No equipment is used other than our bodies, and the instructor was a real hippy lady. I was the only newbie there, but I didn’t mind. I did every single pose put to us, including the “advanced” ones. I may not have done them perfectly, but I gave them a try at the least. Since then, I’ve been sore in places I didn’t even know existed! My stomach and core are in agony, and it feels great! Knowing that I’ve got a genuinely GOOD workout was just amazing. I can’t wait to take another class, which will be tomorrow morning. 🙂 It’s a different instructor, but I am still thinking it’ll be great.

Rather annoyingly, I’m feeling slightly ugly at the moment due to my own stupidity. I decided that I was tired of being pasty white and looking like a ghost, so I thought I’d use the tanning facilities at the gym. I know it’s not the most healthy option, but fake tan doesn’t work on me since I have severely dry skin, and even the lotions with touch of fake tan looks hideous and streaky on me.

So I was told to start with 3 minutes for a while and then build up to more. After my first session, I didn’t notice any chance, so I went for 6 minutes the next time. HOLY SUNBURN, BATMAN!

My skin was lobster red, and I couldn’t sleep on it for three days! Over the next week, it became incredibly itchy and uncomfortable. And in the last three days, it’s begun to flake off in terrible ways. Obviously I’ve stopped tanning for now so as not to make it worse, and I’ve been using exfoliators and tons of aloe vera gel in the hope of making it better.

While this hasn’t put me off tanning (maybe I’m a glutton for punishment?), it has DEFINITELY made me take heed of the build up slowly mantra. 😉

Other than that, I’m very pleased with my body at the moment. Certainly there have been some changes lately – some for the better and some for the worse. Weight loss has stabilised in the mid-160s, but I’ve got a lot more saggy skin on my stomach and inner thighs than I have had. I’m not sure if this is because my body is losing fat or because my terrible diet of late is actually putting fat on! It’s a hard one! BUT – my legs are becoming more shapely. I’m seeing defined muscle tone in my calves, thighs and knees, as well as in my biceps and triceps. It’s nice to feel like exercise is giving me some positive changes.

The biggest thing right now is my mentality. My husband has gone on a weekend stag party for his best friend, and both of us have agreed that on Monday we are going to get our acts together and REALLY go for clean living. This means NO junk food, NO fizzy liquids and LOTS of exercise. And both of us are really looking forward to it.

However, I have three days between now and then, and the urge is to indulge in that fabled last supper syndrome. Oh noes! I’ve bought cookies, crisps, soda, chocolate eclairs and a pizza in anticipation of having one wild weekend before giving it all up again. But I KNOW this is a bad idea. I KNOW I shouldn’t do this, as I’ve done it a MILLION times before… when I was FAT.

But I tell myself that if I can just get all the junk out of my system once and for all, I’ll be happy. Even though I know this isn’t true.

*sigh*

See – I knew I should be updating more often. If I did then maybe someone would help me save me from myself!

For now, I have some thinking to do.